TROUBLE CITY

The List of Dumb 6.23.17

Articles, Real LifeNick NunziataComment

For many years on the old site I'd take pictures of stupid stuff and do commentary on it. The List of Dumb. Eventually others started sending pictures is and it was a delight for all parties involved. Obviously the internet has changed since then and there are hundreds of Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook bodies all doing it. But one thing I can promise you is this: ONE CLICK. You don't have to cycle through a slideshow or deal with an ad. So if you liked the ol' DUMB, it's back. If you offend easily, might want to piss off:

Nothing tickles the funny bone like Hitler, huh? I mean, aside from his hilarious antics on the battlefields and in concentration camps, his open mic appearances were the stuff of legend! I understand that one of the only nonviolent weapons against the man (not unlike someone in office right now) is satire. It's actually one of the cleanest and effective forms of communication and education on subjects like this. But, perhaps, Hitler in Cartoons is a little to "light" an approach for such a powerful subject.

"Brought to you by the producers of HBO's Luck."

What hath Flashdance wrought? I dig it that they sell welding equipment at the Home Depot. Both because welding is a vital part of a do-it-yourselfer's way of life but also because sometimes you just gotta weld a bunch of iron bars around the trapped and emaciated form of a victim. Weld that shit. Not enough welder/murderers in the horror cinematic library. The problem is this: the star of the show is and always is the blue flame literally demanding attention as it bursts from the torch. There's no shared spotlight. So to try and make the welder's helmet some kind of toughass design. In fact, I think it's the welder helmet equivalent of an Affliction shirt. And no one needs that. Plus, the victim's having enough of a struggle watching his/her Facebook Timeline shrinking before their eyes. Why make it worse?

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"Louis did you stop by the store to pick up
the Crestfallen Pirate costume I asked for?"

"Sorry Dean, they were out."

"Dude, the party is tonight!"

"Relax, they had one more left of the "I Guess My Modeling Career
Has Been Affected By My Residency at Fogo de Chão Pirate."

 "That may work, but does he look crestfallen?"

"Dean... you have no idea."

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I guess the name "American Suit" was already taken.

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I know we all got places to be but be careful out there. There's a lot of dangerous trucks climbing ladders out there on our roads. Arrive alive.

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They ain't kidding. They really show off BP's calf muscles too.

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I don't want to hear your shit about how I'm taking pictures while I'm driving. I was in the passenger seat when I took this. I was driving, but I was in the passenger seat. Regardless, though this image doesn't capture the severity of this biker's douchbaggery, trust me when I say that he almost lost his life twice because he chose rush hour to wear tight pants on hills. This area of the road is right after a severe bottleneck so people nail it to make up for lost time. No one expects a middle-aged dickface to come scraping against them at a time like that. Bikes are great. Health is great. But there are safer and less congested roads with better visibility for that.

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Someone hit shuffle mode during the merchandizing session.

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I totally read it wrong and almost sprained my real dick and my fake dick in the process.

It's a fool's errand to demand grammar of online gamers. Or etiquette. Or racial awareness. Or appreciation of all sexual preferences. It's impossible. There are simply too many young dicks out there whose parents have empowered the PS4 and XBOX to do their parenting for them. As a result, you can't log on without hearing the worst words in the highest-pitched voices. But if you're going to create a handle built on sheer destructive power, at least do a quick pass on the spelling before you click "SEND". Destroryer?

DESTRORYER?

Can you imagine how may extra servers they had to purchase to accommodate the mad clicks this is getting?

If you're going to open a home theater shop you need to bring it. There's a lot of money to be made in the business, no doubt. So, with that prime window space where you have to communicate your message, IN 2017, there's only one way to go.

Quantum of Solace. Not only is it the most beloved, popular, and RECENT film in the series... it's also a stunning representation of the finest in audio visual pleasure. These people know their audience. That's why up until last week they had the poster for The House Bunny up there.

It's sad when a great talent dies too young, whether by drugs or an accident or reading their own press. It's sadder when a talent is transformed into an inanimate object and sold to consumers for a pittance. It happened to Peter O-Tool. It happened to Jan Hammer. And now, my beloved star of Hard Rain.

 

If you have a DUMB picture you want to send, please EMAIL IT (nicknunziata@gmail.com) to me. Oh, and of course...