TROUBLE CITY

Ghostbusters Audit

ArticlesNick PeronComment

First, let me personally thank you for choosing Rothman and Associates to conduct an internal audit of the Ghostbusters organization. We have been providing professional and comprehensive audits so that a corporation can maximize profitability, productivity, and improve relations between employers and employees.

After a comprehensive review of your business operations, we have come up with some suggestions on how to improve your company:

Corporate Image

While the Ghostbusters provide a unique service in one of the largest cities in the world, there are some problems with the organization's public image. While we applaud your employment of a person of color and a woman, the issue at hand is regarding the individual known as "Slimer". 

As we understand it, he is a ghost that you have... how shall we say it? Domesticated? This is troubling because the image this portrays. To the public, it appears that ghosts are either criminals that need to be incarcerated without due process or indentured servants. 

 Fun loving sidekick or unwitting victim?

Fun loving sidekick or unwitting victim?

I have read a rather disturbing article written by the NAACP. They have suggested that "Slimer" is his slave name. Unfortunately for you, I happen to agree. This is a deceased individual with a name, a past, and a family. Does his family know he continues to exist in a corporeal form? Is he in contact with them? Do you know his real name or anything about him? 

Civil rights concerns aside, it is assumed that Slimer is a mascot of sorts for the company. However, when I examine the ledgers, he doesn't seem to be earning a wage. I conferred with your secretary, Janine, about this and she said that Slimer is paid in room and board. She went on to complain about how Slimer is a glutton that needs to be constantly cleaned up after. Mr. Vankman also frequently complains about the ectoplasmic residue left by this employee. It's your view that Slimer actually costs the organization money. It's these sorts of attitudes that could lead to problems. It is clear that Mr. Slimer is developmentally delayed. This will not favor the company if there is any litigation laid by either Mr. Slimer or his estate. 

Most disturbing about the treatment of Mr. Slimer is the fact that the Ghostbuster's merchandising efforts use Slimer's likeness. We have noted that Slimer, nor does his estate receive any royalties or commission for the use of his likeness on the various products sold by your organization. We suggest that you retroactively pay Slimer for previous use of his likeness and establish a valid contract to avoid any future damages and loss of revenue should this become a legal issue.

 This is what exploitation tastes like.

This is what exploitation tastes like.

Are You Really the "Real" Ghostbusters? 

 Thankfully, their legal representation was a gorilla, so we got off easy on this one.

Thankfully, their legal representation was a gorilla, so we got off easy on this one.

I can't profess to know what constitutes "real" Ghostbusters. However, there are others who have laid claim to the title prior to you. In fact, there is a legal precedence to the issue. I refer you to the case of Kong and Spencer v. Reitman.

As I understand these other Ghostbusters have been in operation since 1975. Although the founding members have since retired, their sons have taken over the business. Presently, they are seeking to reclaim the title as the original Ghostbusters. However, we have noted that their operations are smaller in scale. It also seems that this organization deals with the same group of supernatural beings and never seem to really accomplish anything.

I am certain we can spin this in our favor. I suggest enlisting a publicity agency to call their authenticity into question. 

Brand Protection

Not only do you have to worry about prior businesses, ghost hunting has become a cottage industry. There are plenty of other groups that are trying to cash in on the business. Analysis of their operations, we have discovered a great deal of pseudoscience. They lead audiences to believe ghost hunting can be accomplished with electrometers and hours of useless recordings. In fact they haven't actually caught any ghosts.

 They try to be edgy by not wearing jumpsuits.

They try to be edgy by not wearing jumpsuits.

The problem caused by these groups is that they are diminishing the credibility of the service you provide. It is recommended that you lawyer up and issue cease and desist orders immediately.

Diversification of Services and Franchise Expansion

This was an area that your organization excels. Naturally, ghosts are a finite problem as not every deceased person comes back as a ghost that haunts the living. Reviewing your work orders, we have noted that you have expended to other segments of the supernatural, including trolls, goblins, genies, and tackling famous creatures such as the Boogie Man and the Headless Horseman.

 Busting creatures that terrorise children while not wearing pants has boosted your profile considerably. 

Busting creatures that terrorise children while not wearing pants has boosted your profile considerably. 

We also are pleased to see when ghost sightings are at a low the organisation can take initiative to providing other services. Such as the instance where the Ghostbusters re-branded themselves as crime busters to deal with the crime problem in New York City.

 Branding was also on point.

Branding was also on point.

However, we would caution against such vigilante activity in the future. This is due to the fact that the criminals you caught during this period insist that being exposed to your proton-packs have given them cancer. We have stonewalled these claims in court and are working on discrediting these claims.

That said, it is recommended that the Ghostbusters expand into licensing franchises to expand beyond the Manhattan area. While New York City is rife with business, the potential of moving into other markets would boost revenue streams significantly, and it may work to tramp down the imitators mentioned above.

Conclusion

I am happy to conclude that, unlike many other organizations that have we have audited, there is very little the Ghostbusters organization needs to change in the future. We believe that if you continue this rate you may be an international success. We trust you will find the advice provided herein will help make your organization more successful and prosperous in the future. 

Yours Truly,

Hershem Rothman, CEO, CCA, Rothman and Associates

PS: We've had complaints from the typing pool at Rothman and Associates. They have claimed that it has been haunted by the ghost of our founding CEO Reginald Alphonse Rodriguez Rothman. The hauntings include workplace sexual harassment, use of improper pronouns, using terms that are now considered racist, and holding inappropriate Christmas parties. Our HR department has been unable to curb this specter's inappropriate behavior and we wish to engage in your services to resolve this problem. 

Hershem Rothman is Trouble City's official franchise auditor. Further audits can be found here.