I’m sorry I have to do this to you. Behold the new poster for Minions: The Rise of Gru.
Pretty jarring, isn’t it? I don’t know if it’s the colors or the eyes of the minion or maybe a combination of both but this poster damn-near startled me when I came across it. Just imagine hanging this thing up in your bedroom and those mischievous eyes giddily staring at you while you sleep. Something about it gives me the heebie jeebies..
It’s certainly captivating, that’s for sure. This poster will definitely stand out in a crowded theater lobby. I don’t know why but I can’t look away. Maybe it’ll have the same affect on you. Maybe you’ll see it, just passing by it with nothing more than a glance. But trust me, later when you’re alone it’ll reemerge from your subconscious like a skeleton rising up from a bath of blood. It’ll be then and only then that you’ll truly grasp the terrifying power of the minions.
You’re tempted to scroll back up and take another look into the minion’s eyes. Go ahead, it’s okay, I was too. Take a moment and stare into the abyss. Just don’t stare for too long, friend. Heed my warning. What madness and horrible truths lie in those eyes. Millions of years of darkness, swirling in his pupils like water going down a shower drain. I can see something if I look close enough. Four horsemen, all wearing ragged shrouds and holding swords of fire as they ascend over the burnt horizon. And they’re…they’re coming for me. No, they’re coming for us. They’re coming for all of us. They sound their horns and when they do birds fall form the sky and leaves wilt and die on the vine. All is disease. All is famine. All is pain and suffering. Those eyes. My God, those eyes…
What hell hath Illumination Entertainment wrought.
Minions: The Rise of Gru opens July 3rd.
