Movie NewsMicah RobinsonComment

The spectacle of Lindsay Lohan – and I don’t know how to more accurately refer to the young lady’s existence at this point – is something that’s both incredibly sad and endlessly fascinating. While she does actually make films and get money to do so, that’s fallen way into the background as she’s become America’s latest professional celebrity. Why pay to see her in a movie when you can simply hit or The Superficial daily to check out her every alcohol-soaked exploit captured in hi-res glory by paparazzi, both amateur and professional? Unlike, say, Amy Winehouse – who’s still a functioning alcoholic with talent to spare and a blooming career – Lindsay’s on the wrong side of a personal and career slide with a ways to go before she hits bottom. Well, it may not be that far on the professional side, at least…

Straight from the swing and miss of Georgia Rule, she’s signed up for Poor Things, a tres 80s-sounding comedy about a "grandma gang" of old ladies who commit crimes. While you may think that Lohan’s hard-living, gravelly voice and increasingly weathered appearance would qualify her for a starring role, she’s merely a supporting player here to Olympia Dukakis and Shirley MacLaine. The flick also has a slightly weird pedigree being that it’s directed by Ash Baron-Cohen (He is related to Borat. No, really) and written by Trent Haaga, a Z-grade horror movie actor. There’s no info as of yet on who Lohan will play, but she will be joined by Rosario Dawson and Channing Tatum – also in unspecified roles - in this misbegotten venture. It’s being bankrolled by a production company called Still Rolling (which probably will guarantee failure and foreclosure much the same way that all albums with “forever” in the title flop), which is a brand new banner making low-budget mainstream pics.

Of course, all of that assumes that Lohan will actually make it to production, and the sad thing is that’s a legitimate concern despite the fact that the movie starts shooting tomorrow. As gossip-hounds already know, Lohan was arrested for DUI over the weekend, and apparently some coke was found at the scene as well. Fortunately for her still being some sort of celebrity, she didn’t spend the weekend in jail waiting for a Tuesday morning court date like ordinary mortals guilty of the same transgression. On top of that, the producers say her holiday conduct shouldn’t be an issue and shooting will go on as planned. All of which gave Lohan lots of reason to rejoice, and so to celebrate, she apparently spent last night getting wasted and unconscious publicly yet again. At this point, I’m not quite sure if she’s making performance art out of her alcoholism or if she’s throwing down the gauntlet to Pete Doherty in order regain American supremacy in the race for the Best Professional Addict title. Time will tell.