TROUBLE CITY

This Things I Believe: Why Wal-Mart is selling McCain and GOP to employees

BlogsKevin Van NatterComment

Did you happen to see this funny/scary article in the Wall Street Journal? You can read the whole article here, but I’ll lay out everything pertinent.

It seems that Wal-Mart has decided to “educate” their employees about the dangers of voting for a democrat.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. is mobilizing its store managers and department supervisors around the country to warn that if Democrats win power in November, they'll likely change federal law to make it easier for workers to unionize companies -- including Wal-Mart.

Why, when I hear Wal-Mart is “mobilizing, do I think of large women named Tammy extinguishing their cigarette butts slowly and deliberately while yelling “Nuh uh, I ain’t mobilizing nothing. I still got two minutes left on my break, Jerry!”

According to about a dozen Wal-Mart employees who attended such meetings in seven states, Wal-Mart executives claim that employees at unionized stores would have to pay hefty union dues while getting nothing in return, and may have to go on strike without compensation. Also, unionization could mean fewer jobs as labor costs rise.

The actions by Wal-Mart -- the nation's largest private employer -- reflect a growing concern among big business that a reinvigorated labor movement could reverse years of declining union membership. That could lead to higher payroll and health costs for companies already being hurt by rising fuel and commodities costs and the tough economic climate.

Oh, the poor billion-dollar companies. No...God, no! Not the demmycryaats! Don't let 'em win!

Please tell me that the people who work at Wal-Mart are smart enough to see through the propaganda while they carefully consider both sides of the issue. Unions can be a good thing sometimes, right? Honestly, I can see the concerns and I would be able to understand an employee who feared unionization. There are plenty of things not to like about unions. Especially if it is run by a total moron.

What say you, average Wal-Mart employee?

“…And you can tell Tracy that I ain’t fuckin’ covering no more shifts for her ass.”

And that’s the bottom line because Toby Keith said so. No seriously, he said so. See my shirt here? There’s Toby and see, it’s got the little dialogue bubble and he’s sayin’ “Get IT Done!”

Look, I know it might sound like I’m being hard on people and unfairly labeling them based on where they work or shop but you have to cut me a break-- I’m living in Indiana for Christ’s sake. Nobody wears a damn shirt in this state. And no, it’s not in an amusing Spicoli way.

And while I'm an asshole for unfairly stereotyping Wal-Mart employees and Indiana residents, I think it is even more insulting for Wal-Mart to give such a biased presentation of the issue to the employees that they care about so much that they feel a responsibility to educate them. Isn't it a little patronizing for Wal-mart to essentially say, "There, there. We'll protect you from the big scary democrats and their crazy union ideas." Yeah, because you want to protect the employees who you would gladly pay $5.50 an hour if the law would let you. Give me a fucking break.

Being from Flint, Michigan, I know a thing or two about unions. Okay, well I'd at least like to think that I've learned a thing or two about unions, both how they help and how they suck, from living in UAW country. Unions might not always improve things for members being that they're one more bureaucracy, but they can sometimes be the only thing keeping these flailing corporations from screwing their employees as the board members and CEOs line their pockets.

Look at what happened when these corporate schills got into office. Most of the middle-class jobs? The factory jobs? The union jobs? They don't exist anymore.  And while the unions won't save you're job when the company decides to start outsourcing, the tenure of any worker under the constant threat of being laid off would surely benifit from union support, right?

Just imagine the little things a company that lays off thousands might try to take away from the employees on a day-to-day basis. Maybe a union might come in handy when it comes to supporting workers who have to work for a company that is constantly trying to cut back on labor expenses.

The Wal-Mart human-resources managers who run the meetings don't specifically tell attendees how to vote in November's election, but make it clear that voting for Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama would be tantamount to inviting unions in, according to Wal-Mart employees who attended gatherings in Maryland, Missouri and other states.

Tantamount to inviting unions in? That Muslim bastard! And you just know that it would only be the beginning. Then, of course, there is the married gays dancing in the street and tongue kissing, the 12 year old delinquent meth-heads fucking in the street and getting pregnant only to car pool with each other for celebratory trips to the abortion clinic, and the terrorists commandeering the White House with their laser pistols.

It probably isn't necessary to tell people that work at Wal-Mart how to vote. The truth of the matter is that anybody stupid enough to base their vote off of something as biased as this had probably already made plans to vote for McCain. People refuse to accept that Obama is a Christian. Are they really going to hear anything other than Obama equals unions, unions equal bad? At least it isn't necessary to tell the people that shop* at Wal-mart how to vote because they're weren't going to let such a shitty bowler sully the sacred White House linens.

As easy as it is to crack white trash jokes about hard-working people trying to make ends meet because the governments allowed all the union jobs a person used to be able to get when they turned 18 to be taken overseas. I’ve lived in the Midwest my entire life and the truth is that a lot of people aren’t going to like being told how to vote by their employer-- and that is how they'll see it.

“The meeting leader said, 'I am not telling you how to vote, but if the Democrats win, this bill will pass and you won't have a vote on whether you want a union,'" said a Wal-Mart customer-service supervisor from Missouri. "I am not a stupid person. They were telling me how to vote," she said.

Like I said, most people that buy into what Wal-Mart is selling were probably going to vote for McCain in the first place on account of how susceptible they are to the very same brand of politics that helped George W. Bush win twice.

*I do love these shorts though. 14 bucks! Beat that, Target!