TROUBLE CITY

HERCULES! HERCULES! HERCULES!

Movie NewsMicah RobinsonComment

There’s something so appealing about the stale, outdated (They list The Black Dahlia as an upcoming movie of theirs) and old-fashioned feel of Millennium Films’ website. You jump over there and you get pixilated posters, sleep-inducing, low-res design, plus poster after poster of giant heads and uninspiring film titles (Seriously, go to their “Library” link and look up Homeland Security or The Contract. With descriptions and posters like that, do these films actually even need to exist?). While other studios and production companies are heavy on the pizzazz for their web portals, Millennium’s too busy pre-selling their next flick to foreign and video markets based on the poster alone. I love it.

But while their low-rent appearance may inspire chuckles of derision, they continue to produce and release films featuring fairly big name talent with a hole in their schedule and mortgage payments to make. This isn’t an exactly new phenomenon (Franchise Pictures, anybody?), but Millennium is one of the few that continues to make bid after bid for legitimate mainstream success and respect with US theatrical releases. They just unloaded 88 Minutes - starring Pacino and…heh heh…Deborah Kara Unger, William Forsythe, and LeeLee Sobieski - onto Sony, and they’re making the DeNiro/Pacino reunion flick Righteous Kill. Now comes word that they are doing a live-action Hercules film. While I wish it was a spinoff of the Klumps character featuring the young man pictured above, it's strictly about the legendary character and his sword-and-sandal adventures.

True to the nature of these guys, the script is already a done deal courtesy of Sean Hood, the master scribe behind the liked of The Crow: Wicked Prayer, Cube 2: Hypercube, and Halloween: Resurrection. I’ll give you a few moments to finish laughing. Now then, there’s no director or star attached as of yet, but with Millennium’s track record, they’ll have no problem roping in a once-notable name with bills for either slot. There’s a .0000000000000000002782 percent chance of this being anywhere near good, but I’m sure they can at least hit their typical entertainingly mediocre comfort zone, if nothing else.