A Nice Hard Slap - My Tea is USB Compatible!

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A Nice Hard Slap - My Tea is USB Compatible!  

SoI'm sitting there on a Monday morning, doing my best to kick some ass while enjoying my morning cup of Rose of Suzhou tea (which you should really try sometime, nothing like watching a bitch blossom in your heated drink) when my laptop gave me an error message:

USB Device Not Recognized

I started to shit my pants a little, fearing that my Iphone was defeated by God but then saw that it was fine and dandy next to me. Unplugged. "That's odd", I thought. I knew my Ipod wasn't in the room so it had to either be my trackball or my external hard drive, neither of which was something I wanted flaking out at this point in my life. I scanned my peripherals [slang] and saw something odd.

My Apple USB cable was running from my laptop into my tea.

Into my goddamn drink!

USB Device Not Recognized

No shit.

I didn't really know whether I should unplug it and dry the cord or drink the tea with the cord in it to see if I could Tron my way to a better life. I didn't have time to figure it out because my hourglass icon ran for a second before this message appeared on my screen:

Driver Installed Successfully

Say what you will about Microsoft Vista (I'm a fan), but it installed my tea's drivers without fault. Maybe that's actually what Microsoft and Apple were put on this Earth to do; successfully join forces (Microsoft Software + Apple Cord, add Sony Hardware for good measure) with the organic world to create symbiotic organic synthesis. Together they brought my tea from the ancient world of Chinese secrets to a very modern, very public, very American reality.

With the drivers installed I was able to successfully unplug my tea peripheral and drink the living daylights out of it, and I felt nanites and energy potions bond to my molecules and make me into a different being. Everything you read on this site henceforth is tea-assisted, so don't just assume I got smartened or am repurposed. It's the goddamn digital tea up inside me.

- Nick Nunziata is waiting for Tea 2.0, which addresses some of the bugs associated with UNIX compatibility and high-end steeping features.

Before I go, here's the latest thing I'm adding to the blog. Each day I blog I'll have a song, a piece of artwork, a photo, a Mary Worth, or something to further justify your click and to give the trolls a little more ammo. Today, a snip from one of our upcoming Art Jams.

Art by Nick Nunziata