TROUBLE CITY

Ask Skeletor: Part the Second.

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Greetings pathetic Humans.

Winter is truly upon us here at Snake Mountain which means it's almost time for my annual Christmas party. The usual folks will be there; The Hooded Claw (he makes a great punch) , Mumm-Ra (who is always the life of any party) and Jem and the Holograms (The Misfits are not better) to name but a few.   Megatron will of course decline, but that is probably for the best.  He has become a real kill joy since those infernal Micheal Bay movies came out and I don't think I can take another drunken rant about how bad the films were.

Still enough of my ramblings it is time once again to impart wisdom to you worthless peasants.

Bucho asks:

Overlord Skeletor: I recently borrowed my neighbour's ladder to do do some work clearing out the guttering and when I was done I put it away in my own garage. Just now I was out edging the lawn and he popped his friendly, smiling head over the fence to say if it wasn't too much trouble could I please return his ladder when I have a spare moment some time because he needs it next week. But if I give him his ladder back I won't have a ladder in my garage, and it's very useful to always have a ladder at the ready.

What shoud I do?

Dear Bucho:

The answer is simple. Next time the worthless fool asks for it you disintegrate his car. While he stands there in shock  remind him that he Lent you the ladder for as long as you need it, and you will continue to need it for a very long time.  If he still continues to ask I recommend invading his house and claiming it as part of your domain.  That way the house and everything in it become your property - including the ladder.

Plus as an added bonus you gain some new slaves to do your bidding.

S D Bob Plissken asks:

My wife is pregnant again.  Do you have any advice in this matter?

Dear Bob.

As long as you are sure the child is yours I see no issue.  The more children you have the greater the chance that one of them will be strong enough to carry on the family name, ensuring for years to come your legacy of evil will continue.

Daniel Baldwin asks:

Dear Lord Skeletor; Does chewing gum really lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?

Dear Daniel.

Yes, yes it does. However I am working on a new spell that will ensure that  your chewing gum and all the chewing gum in the universe will remain fresh and potent for all time!  Of course it will also turn you into a mindless zombie who will do my every bidding but I think that is a small price to pay.

Protobob asks:

Skellz:  Another day, another issue. It seems I'm no longer fit to work at Hula Burger. I got a temp job there for research while I write my new spec script. Anyway, after a night of assorted hijinks with unnamed companions, I've sustained a mild rupture. It's worse than it sounds really, but there is a mild, well… effluence. Despite the fact that recovery should be a jiff, and the substance is mostly contained, its flammability is what's keeping me off the fry-o-lator. My argument is that the fry-o-lator is electric, not flame-driven, so there should be no danger for the three days or so until the wound finishes suppurating, but my boss Regina says that at the very least it's off-putting. Long/short, I'm certain I pose less than a 10% safety hazard, which is more than I can say for the milkshake machine. Should I be thinking lawyer?

Dear Protobob:

Congratulations, it appears you have taken the first step towards become a Supervillian. You have an origin story, disfigurement and a with careful training the smell it generates can become a fully fledged power.  Your first act should be to use this new power to overthrow Regina and take control of your workplace. Then, it should be a simple task to turn your co workers into henchmen and begin a glorious career in super villainy.

I wish you good luck and look forward to reading of your exploits.

Kirsty asks:

Dear Skeletor, should I watch Strictly Come Dancing or X-Factor tonight?

Dear Kirsty.

Curse Simon Cowell for all eternity!   He is a bigger villain that any of use could aspire to be.  Millions of mindless fools tuning in each week to the drivel that passes for entertainment,  while all he has to do is sit back and wonder how to spend all the money he gets from it.

In short watch Strictly, As it is always amusing to see the blonde woman squirm when the 1000 year old presenter comes on to her.

Well that is all the time we have for this week. Keep the questions coming and I Lord Skeletor will ensure that your pathetic problems are answered.

Until next time...