TROUBLE CITY

Snake Mountain Internal Audit

ArticlesNick PeronComment

Dear Mr. Skeletor

As you may be aware Rothman and Associates were hired by your manager, Mr. Hordak, to conduct an internal audit of the operations at Snake Mountain. We have been providing professional and comprehensive audits so that a corporation can maximize profitability, productivity, and improve relations between employers and employees. Mr. Hordak wanted us to determine if your operations are being conducted in a cost-effective manner. 

 Below we have outlined a number of cost overruns that are a cause of great concern.

Location

Snake Mountain.jpg

We have noted that there the significant cost of operating and maintaining operations at Snake Mountain. 

We are questioning the need to carve an entire mountain to be a headquarters. The stone masonry work alone cost over 3 million dollars. Then there is the matter of the constant flow of water from the waterfall. The utility costs alone are exponentially large. The fact that the water is also colored to match the design scheme of Snake Mountain does little to reduce cost.

Next, we have noted the ridiculous heating costs. Due to the stone construction and lack of insulation, the cost to heat Snake Mountain is nearly three times the cost of similarly sized businesses. The resulting moisture from the waterfall has also caused a great deal of mold and water damage to the premises, affecting the resale value.

The last item of note is the choice of location. Due to the fact that you have chosen to operate within the Kingdom of Eternia, a well-established monarchy, you must pay a tithing to the Randor family to operate in the area. This comes at odds with the mission statement of this organization, as you are essentially paying your primary competitors in order to operate in the region. It is strongly recommended that you relocate to a more cost-effective location to carry out day-to-day operations.

Insurance Rates

The rates of insurance on corporate assets owned by this organization are skyrocketing. Looking at the claims records, it appears as though the majority of damages and losses are due to personal negligence. Part of the company mission statement is to obtain mystical objects and other curios. Unfortunately, the portfolio investments has been greatly damaged due to poor handling, as most of these objects of incalculable wealth usually end up in the hands of your competition.

The average cost of a new Shaping Staff is incalculable.

The average cost of a new Shaping Staff is incalculable.

This causes some concern given the potential conflict of interest due to your personal involvement with the Geico insurance corporation.

It would appear that the destruction of Horde property stands to benefit you personally. Please submit your endorsement contract with Geico immediately for further review.

Poor Corporate Image

The Horde exists to conquer the universe by any means possible
— Hordak

This is the mission statement for your organization. The most important part of a corporation to meet its goals is the image it presents. Unfortunately, your branch has been engaging in activities that are contrary to this corporate image.

This is not the kind of image we are trying to cultivate for this organization.

This is not the kind of image we are trying to cultivate for this organization.

One of the biggest assets to your organization is the diverse equal opportunity employment. Reviewing your employee records we have noted that you are the biggest employer of amputees, visually impaired, moss men, and lobster-boys.

Diversity.jpg

However, a number of complaints we have received from these employees are far beyond the norm. Workplace harassment, insensitivity, bigotry, and abuse are common according to an employee survey we conducted.

humiliation.jpg

Your employees routinely get abused and discriminated against on a daily basis. What's worse is the fact that you have been exploiting your employees and their disabilities for the purpose of merchandising.

Need I remind you of the case of Stinkor v. The Horde?  

Need I remind you of the case of Stinkor v. The Horde?

 

Stop Operating Outside Your Region

As a franchise location, you are only to operate within Eternia and surrounding area. However, we have noted a number of occasions where you breached this condition to operate on both Etheria and Earth.

Most troubling being the Doom Berries fiasco whereing you almost eliminated Mr. Hordak from existence. These acts of insubordination must be ceased immediately as they undermind authority and sew desention within the ranks.

Killing yourself to the top is typically frowned upon in any corporate environment.

Killing yourself to the top is typically frowned upon in any corporate environment.

Equally dismal was your attempt to obtain the Cosmic Key, leading to unauthorized activities on Earth. Based on the reports filed regarding this incident, it appears that you were foiled -- in part -- due to a dwarf with a taste for fried chicken.

As a result we lost a lucrative endorsement contract.

As a result we lost a lucrative endorsement contract.

Most upsetting was your decision to absorb the power of the universe and used it for your own personal vendetta, which ended in failure.

The lost gold assets alone put the Hord into a net deficit for 

The lost gold assets alone put the Hord into a net deficit for 

Stop Travelling to the Future

We have noticed that your branch has been attempting to achieve its goals by traveling to the future. After a careful examination of company ledgers, we strongly recommend you case these activities immediately. 

While we have noted that hiring the indigenous mutant population is cheaper, this is in direct violation of the union contract signed with the Hord Labourer and Snake Men Unions.

We also need to talk about claiming your new eyeballs on the company health plan.

We also need to talk about claiming your new eyeballs on the company health plan.

This has led to an ongoing legal battle with these unions. Representation from the firm of Stondar and Rokkon LLP is more costly then settling out of court.

Then there is the issue of inflation rates in the future. This exponentially increases operating costs by 2000%. This is incredibly troubling as operations constantly require the use of expensive fuel sources for planetary travel.

In Summation

This concludes our findings. We ask that you make the necessary changes to operations before the end of next quarter, otherwise, your department could face significant downsizing.

Hershem Rothman, CEO, CCA, Rothman and Associates

If you enjoy the works of Hershem Rothman, check out his previous audit of the Cobra organization.