Pop Quiz Hotshot: What does Captain America, Campbell Soup, and energy conservation have in common? If you said "Sweet fuck all", then you would be wrong. In the year 1980, the US Department of Energy commissioned a comic book about energy efficiency. A common thread with these PSA comic books is that often times the comic book company in question would "team up" with a commercial property to offset the cost. What end result are comics like Captain America and the Campbell Kids, which is a weird combination of a moral message, super-heroes punching things, and a lot of product placement.

Now, I know what you're expecting, Captain America teaming up with chubby faced soup mascots to fight crime, but sadly, that was too awesome to see print. Instead, what we get is a comic book about Captain America that is narrated by the Campbell Kids. Don't worry though, this makes things crazier.

The story was written by the legendary Bill Mantlo, who is best remembered as being the guy that Marvel used to write comic books that have promotional tie-ins. He was really good at it, as anyone who read Marvel's Micronauts and Rom the Spaceknight series. However, not all of Mantlo's attempts were stellar, Captain America and the Campbell Kids is a perfect example.

Fully Charged Insanity

In this comic book, a group of four children is putting their winning science fair projects on display at the energy museum. They are also treated to a tour of the energy museum by none other than Captain America. When they meet the Star-Spangled Avenger they show off their inventions to him.

Instead of getting the praise they expected, the children are only met with grave concern from Captain America as he notices that these inventions use a lot of energy. Cap then takes them into the museum and shows them various forms of energy collection. He then grimly warns them that while America has all the energy it needs today, they have to think about the future as the energy resources of today might not be around for long.

The lecture is interrupted by the Energy Drainers, three super powered villains who want to waste energy. Their plan? To drain the Earth of all its energy sources so that every nation in the world crumbles under the brink of scarce resources and war. That's when the Energy Drainers will swoop in and take over the entire world.

Who knew the downfall of America would be long line-ups?

Naturally, Captain America seeks to stop this trio who consist of the Thermal Thief, Wattage Waster, and the Doomsday Man. These enemies prove to be too much for Captain America to handle, and the children decide to get involved. They take Boxcar's soap box racer and use it to save Captain America's life.

It's in the middle of all this action, the Captain America pulls them aside so he can lecture them some more about how their inventions waste energy. He points out how these inventions waste too much energy and what they can do to conserve. It includes sage advice like "don't have every light on in your house", to "watch one TV at a time" and "shower".

This what the world was like before On-Demand streaming media became a thing. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

After Captain America finishes lecturing the children, he rushes into the battle that is still in progress to defeat his foes. The kids then witness as Captain America basically murders his enemies, which is not something he traditionally does. They watch as Captain America causes Thermal Thief call to his death, and tosses Wattage Waster into a recycling device that crushes up metal. Not wanting to miss out on this justified murder, the kids help Captain America out against the Doomsday Man. To do this, they cut off all sources of power the villain can draw from causing him to lose his power. They then stand around and watch Doomsday Man's body disintegrate while he screams for help.

I'm a little disturbed that only one of the kids is troubled by the fact that they took a life.

With the danger over, the kids have learned a valuable lesson about energy conservation, as well as murder.

Are we counting the 80 oil spills that happened throughout the last 40 years?

Why This PSA Doesn't Work

Hindsight being what it is, the United States sucks at conserving energy and finding renewable sources. Sure, you've got wind and solar farms that are just starting to pop up, but the technology and the expense haven't really reached a level where it can be used as a valid alternative to replace fossil fuels. Likewise, even though nuclear power technology has continued to advance, people are afraid their own back yard could turn into a Chernobyl, or Fukushima because of the perception that everyone works at nuclear plants is Homer Simpson. The worst nuclear disaster on American soil? Three Mile Island. An event that happened in the 70's, and was contained quickly.

Oh, and we now have commercially available electric cars! Finally! We've only been working on the technology since 1880. Instead of investing in advancing these technologies, the oil companies have wasted decades of research and development so they could squeeze every last ounce of Dinosaur goo out of the ground.

The entire time, the powers that be have been telling us, the people, to conserve the use of energy, like we're the problem. We're not, you've created a market that forces us to use these finite products that are also harmful to the environment.

Instead of encouraging children to write to their congressmen to petition for more research into renewable energy sources, the Department of Energy is instructing kids to stick dollar bills into fridge doors and using measuring sticks in the bath tub. Other than showcasing how shitty your home and appliances are, there's not a whole lot a kid can do other than annoy their parents with these facts.

Also, can we talk about how much energy it takes Campbell's to make their soup? From mechanically processing all the ingredients to the canning and labeling processing, it's sure a larger energy waster than, say, someone buying fresh ingredients from the grocery store and making home made soup. This leads me to believe that Campbell Soup is really in the back pocket of big oil. Sure, it all makes sense now. Tricking Americans into spending their hard earned money on admittedly delicious canned soup to dull their minds. Little Jimmy won't be thinking about how Campbell's chicken soup is slowly destroying the environment if we distract him with that shoebox thermometer project. Very clever Campbell Soup, very clever.

Activity Pages

After all the hard work and money I put into getting my Energy Diploma, I still can't get a good paying job.

Often times these PSA comic books have activity pages to trick kids into thinking they're learning something. In the case of Captain America and the Campbell Kids, they offer you the opportunity to win an "Energy Diploma", which is good for about nothing. If you're good at word scrambles and mazes then you are qualified. I decided to give these a shot. Here's how I did...

The Energy Word Search Match Up

The Energy Maze

Whew, this is hard work. Lets take a moment to enjoy some cultural insensitivity!

Then those nice white people *cough* gave me this nifty *cough cough* horse blanket! *cough cough cough dies*

Yeesh, the only way that image could be any more offensive is if there was a casino and wooden cigar chief in the background.

Energy Crossword Puzzle

Needless to say, I scored a resounding zero on all of these tests. It's been rendered completely pointless considering that the answers are written on the back of the book. I could have looked back there instead of Photoshopping my juvenile responses.

It was probably different in 1980. This was some serious stuff back then. I am sure that this comic book led to some serious discussions and school children all across America were actually graded on their ability to provide the right answer.

I mean, we're talking about a diploma here, they don't just give those away. I could see the Department of Energy receiving bundles of mail from schools across the nation. Each pile of answers greatly scrutinized and graded to make sure that these energy diplomas went out to only the most worthy of students.

It's not like you could just mail out a request for an energy diploma and get one in the mail, right?